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The people who care for others carry a particular kind of exhaustion that is not fully captured by the word burnout.
Burnout implies something that can be refilled. Rest, vacation, time off, and you return. This exhaustion is different. It is the exhaustion of having been genuinely present to other people's suffering for a sustained period — the nurse who has held someone's hand through a death, the parent of a child with a serious illness, the person who has been the one in the family who shows up.
This exhaustion is not the result of working too hard. It is the result of caring too much without adequate support, over too long a period, without someone performing the same function for you.
People in this situation often say they do not want to burden anyone. I understand this. Caring people are often the last ones willing to ask for care. But the unwillingness to be cared for is itself a symptom.
You are allowed to be carried. You are allowed to say: I have been the one who shows up and I need someone to show up for me. This is not weakness. This is the only way the work is sustainable.
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